WASHINGTON DC — Rep. Bob Goodlatte (R-VA) shocked federal legislators today announcing he is ending his longtime support of horse slaughter to instead champion pending legislation banning the practice.
At a press conference held in his offices, Goodlatte stunned the equally shocked agricultural world further when announcing the reason for his sudden change of heart. Love. Love for Alesha, a beautiful chestnut mare.
Goodlatte met Alesha in his home state of Virginia, and was immediately taken by her curvaceous body, glossy mane, and deep liquid eyes. He began meeting her for quiet evenings at her stable, and the relationship quickly developed into something exhilarating and unexpectedly serious.
“Before I met Alesha I saw horses as nothing but a commodity, to be slaughtered and turned into meat for human consumption overseas,” states Goodlatte. “Her grace and sensitivity drew me in, and I was lost, heart and soul.”
It was not long before he mounted her and rode her. The experience indelibly bonded the two and changed his life forever.
When asked what the future holds for the two Goodlatte whispered, “I am not sure, but I love her.”
A formalized union of the two is currently out of the question as interspecies marriage is not currently recognized under law.
Will Goodlatte be proposing legislation to rectify this matter so he can take Alesha as his bride?
“The most urgent issue before us is to make horse slaughter and export for slaughter illegal so that she and every other horse in America is protected from this grisly end. That is all that is on our minds right now,” Goodlatte explained.
Goodlatte is formally requesting the name of The American Horse Slaughter Prevention Act be changed to The Alesha Act.
APRIL FOOLS!
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Horse slaughter is of course no laughing matter. Take action to support legislation to ban horse slaughter and export for slaughter.
- Find out who represents you and make a note of their names and contact information.
- Find out if your U.S. Representative has co-sponsored H.R. 503
- If they have not, telephone or fax your U.S. Representative to co-sponsor and vote “yes” for H.R. 503.
- Find out if your 2 U.S. Senators have co-sponsored S. 311
- If they have not, telephone or fax our U.S. Senators to co-sponsor and vote “yes” for S. 311.
- Write to your Governor and tell him or her you do not support the slaughtering of horses in your state, or the export of your horses for slaughter.
- If you have contacted your U.S. Representative and Senators and they have yet to co-sponsor, do so again today. Your phone call or fax may be the tipping point for them to finally take action.
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Tuesday's Horse 